Killing and Preparing a Lobster for the Grill

This is the finished product. Roasted asparagus, french fries, and grilled lobster. It was a messy road to this glorious feast, I’ll tell you that. Because for you, my bloggers, I… killed a lobster. It was so disgusting. Will took pictures as I murdered. Here’s my lobster friend, alive.

Spritely, virile. Just as we all are. And here is my Kill Room (Dexter?)

Here I am stroking him. My dad told me to stroke the lobster because it puts them at ease before you stab a knife into their brainstem. I stroke while looking guilty.

Next, I take a big gulp and jab the knife into what I hope is his brainstem. I make a big T-shaped cut. Despite separating his head in half, his eyes continue to move. Result of a decentralized nervous system. Ew.

Here I am, my dead-but-still-twitching Lobster Friend flipped over as I yank apart his chest cavity and begin to remove the nastiness that is his guts.

Oh, God, the things I do for my readers! (This was not posed, by the way).

Here it is being gutted.

Now here is the freshly sliced and gutted lobster on the grill

And here he is almost done.

Well, he was delicious, if extremely messy. This pictorial account demonstrates my father’s preferred method of killing a lobster: stoke it’s back/head to help it relax, make a big T-shaped cut though the head and along its back (until your knife hits the first ridged prominence on the lobster’s back). Then, flip the lobster over and make a vertical slice all the way through it’s body. Next, pull apart the lobsters chest cavity and scoop out the guts (neon green and brown in color). Then, run some water through the lobster to make sure all the nasty bits are out.

I did a bit of research online after this, and found a method that would involve fewer cuts. Next time I kill a lobster, I’ll probably use this method. Click here to see it. I would recommend trying this, then pulling open the cavity, scooping out the insides, and running water through the lobster.

Well, this experience was different. I didn’t realize how long it would twitch after it was dead. I also would recommend using an apron you don’t like very much (see above pictures for old Mickey Mouse Apron with price tag still attached), as well as doing this outside for the first time. While it doesn’t top my list of favorite cooking experiences, I will say it’s the most vivid. Perhaps I’ll make something vegetarian next.